MacDonald's is the place!

If you're looking for a life partner, get yourself down to the nearest MacDonald's. Inside these wondrous buildings, the world can be your oyster(they don't serve oysters, by the way). If you're looking for a cheap thrill, get down to the very same MacDonald's. These establishments have inside them, the most extraordinary things for you to consume, in exchange for money substances. Everybody thinks of the big M as only having burgers and impossibly salty chips. But no, they also act as a staging post for the most adventurous and charmingly reckless people you'll ever meet.

Almost every MacDonald's on a Friday or Saturday night acts as a sort of base-camp for the people inside. Next time you're in one, you'll know what I'm talking about. These party people go to McD's to fill their stomachs with absorbent, crappy food in order to be able to drink more alcohol in the next few hours. McD's also have toilets(no surprise really). These toilets are plentiful and relatively clean. They have to be, because the party people will be back in McD's in a few hours to throw up in them, or to have very brief sexual relationships!

A good friend of mine met his wife in a branch of McD's. She was very drunk and was vomiting in the MENS toilets. He walked in to have a pee, and fell in love almost instantly(so romantic). Nowhere else would that kind of thing happen. Not in a bar, not in a restaurant, not even in a nightclub, because the stupid music would be pumping so hard, you wouldn't be able to distinguish male from female because your head would be vibrating so much!

Their food, is terrible. Everyone knows that. And the people that work there are paid very VERY little. But, next time you are in a branch of McD's, try to see the place as a very diverse social club......with fucked up food. See the food as a peripheral thing. The food is not there because it's good. It's there because a social club needs a bit of nourishment available to it's members. The food is very clever in a way, because it is loaded with truly immense amounts of salt. The more salt you have in your system, the thirstier you will get(therefore, you buy more drinks). Only a corporation of geniuses would be so devilishly clever in that way!(please send me free samples, McD's)

And, McD's can make you irresistible to the opposite sex, or the same sex, if you're a homosexual person. Because, the food is so fatty and sugary, it gives you a primal sensation of pleasure when you eat it. These primal feelings of pleasure enhance all of your other primal feelings, including lust and sexual desire. So, the next time you see an attractive woman or man eating a Big Mac, you've got a very good chance of scoring with them. Go for it, you horny, fat bastards!

In conclusion, McD's is the best place on Earth if you're looking for a high-fat meal or a cheap one-night-stand! Win win.