You'll Never Walk(Win) Alone.

Liverpool Football club have come out victorious against the now ironically named Melbourne Victory! Over 95,000 people packed into the Melbourne Cricket Ground(MCG), and just before the game, they all sang the famous Liverpool anthem "You'll Never Walk Alone" in unison. A stirring sight and sound for sure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbqAqVSbdzs

Many people believed that Liverpool would absolutely demolish Melbourne Victory. They didn't. They only won by two goals. In fact, Melbourne Victory played better throughout the whole match. Their passes were better, they were physically tougher, and they seemed to retain possession of the ball a lot better.

But, Liverpool ended up scoring twice and winning. Why? Because they have these so-called "star" players. Now, the "star" players are very very good, but I just don't like the word "star", and I can't think of a better word to replace it. So let's just call them "twinkly" players for now.

These twinkly players include Steven Gerrard, Luis Suarez, and to a lesser extent, Raheem Sterling. These players are able to play just that little bit better than the rest for brief periods of brilliance. This is what scored Liverpool their two goals tonight against Melbourne. Steven Gerrard scored the first goal after a trademark charging run up from midfield. The second goal was largely due to Luis Suarez taking on several defenders and eventually toe-poking it to another Liverpool player who tapped it into the net.

As good as Melbourne Victory are, they just don't have these "twinkly" players in their team. Even though they played tougher and arguably better than Liverpool, they didn't have the classy experience of Gerrard or Suarez. It's a bit like a beautifully delicious bowl of ice-cream. You can eat the most extraordinary bowl of ice-cream on its own, and you'll love it, but it's made SO MUCH better with a sprinkle of nuts, or a squeeze of raspberry sauce. The nuts and raspberry sauce in this stupid analogy are Gerrard and Suarez-type players. I hope you understand, because I'm not too sure I do!

It's no wonder that Barcelona and Manchester United are the best teams in the world. It's because their whole teams are made up of these star players. Barcelona vs Melbourne Victory, now THAT would've been a game to watch!      

MacDonald's is the place!

If you're looking for a life partner, get yourself down to the nearest MacDonald's. Inside these wondrous buildings, the world can be your oyster(they don't serve oysters, by the way). If you're looking for a cheap thrill, get down to the very same MacDonald's. These establishments have inside them, the most extraordinary things for you to consume, in exchange for money substances. Everybody thinks of the big M as only having burgers and impossibly salty chips. But no, they also act as a staging post for the most adventurous and charmingly reckless people you'll ever meet.

Almost every MacDonald's on a Friday or Saturday night acts as a sort of base-camp for the people inside. Next time you're in one, you'll know what I'm talking about. These party people go to McD's to fill their stomachs with absorbent, crappy food in order to be able to drink more alcohol in the next few hours. McD's also have toilets(no surprise really). These toilets are plentiful and relatively clean. They have to be, because the party people will be back in McD's in a few hours to throw up in them, or to have very brief sexual relationships!

A good friend of mine met his wife in a branch of McD's. She was very drunk and was vomiting in the MENS toilets. He walked in to have a pee, and fell in love almost instantly(so romantic). Nowhere else would that kind of thing happen. Not in a bar, not in a restaurant, not even in a nightclub, because the stupid music would be pumping so hard, you wouldn't be able to distinguish male from female because your head would be vibrating so much!

Their food, is terrible. Everyone knows that. And the people that work there are paid very VERY little. But, next time you are in a branch of McD's, try to see the place as a very diverse social club......with fucked up food. See the food as a peripheral thing. The food is not there because it's good. It's there because a social club needs a bit of nourishment available to it's members. The food is very clever in a way, because it is loaded with truly immense amounts of salt. The more salt you have in your system, the thirstier you will get(therefore, you buy more drinks). Only a corporation of geniuses would be so devilishly clever in that way!(please send me free samples, McD's)

And, McD's can make you irresistible to the opposite sex, or the same sex, if you're a homosexual person. Because, the food is so fatty and sugary, it gives you a primal sensation of pleasure when you eat it. These primal feelings of pleasure enhance all of your other primal feelings, including lust and sexual desire. So, the next time you see an attractive woman or man eating a Big Mac, you've got a very good chance of scoring with them. Go for it, you horny, fat bastards!

In conclusion, McD's is the best place on Earth if you're looking for a high-fat meal or a cheap one-night-stand! Win win.

"Justin Bieber could be a bit like Jesus, or possibly, Hitler?"

In 1994, a baby was born in Canada. Nothing extraordinary so far. But, this baby would one day grow up to be the most famous entertainer on Earth. That baby's name was Justin Bieber! DUN DUN DUUUN!

Discovered in roughly 2007(though no one can be precise on the exact dates, just like the Bible) via his YouTube videos. These videos featured a very young Bieber singing and dancing like a bit of a superstar. A very influential man by the name of Scooter Braun then signed Bieber to his record label(I think).

From that moment on, Bieber has continued to skyrocket higher and higher up the ladder of fame and fortune. In fact, by the age of 18, just for a few short minutes, he was richer than Bill Gates. Unfortunately he splurged all the money on chocolate milk and skittles for himself and his entire entourage. Amazingly, that day he blew seven billion dollars!

With million and millions of devotees all over the world, Bieber, if he wanted to, could very well take over the world, or a large portion of it. This thought must be bouncing around the "Dear Bieber's" head quite often. And I, for one, would not complain if the Dear Bieber decided to amass an enormous following and start his own religion/philosophy/state etc. Why has he not done this?! He could be the dictator of Bieberland. He'd be completely immune to any criticism, and paparazzi's would be burnt alive if they were found guilty of picture taking. A complete wonderland where Bieber and his followers could live in peace and quiet, just chilling out and listening to Bieber's 178th album on a constant loop over loud speakers. Loud speakers in every room of every building in Bieberland.

This exact scheme has, of course, been done before. North Korea operates under the very same scheme, and they seem alright, don't they? Stalin's Russia was also very similar, and historians are still talking about that, so it must have been pretty cool, right?

So, look forward to this happening in the coming years, because it will happen, or at least something very similar. David Beckham, for example, has a vast business empire under his control. But obviously, Beckham is nowhere near smart enough to think of creating an actual empire. Bieber however, has some very shrewd and clever people in his entourage(probably), and if they sense the time is right, they could very well start up a bit of a revolution and then carve out a huge part of the United States' homeland for Bieber and his people.

I actually wouldn't mind if Bieber and his people decided to do this. Because it would never turn violent like every other example of this kind of thing that's ever happened before. The total lack of violence and aggression would come from the fact that Bieber's music would be pumping nonstop all throughout Bieberland, and all the inhabitants would be so tired from screaming and chasing the Dear Bieber, that they wouldn't be bothered getting angry, and would just go have a nap after a long hard day's screaming.

My prediction.........by the year 2025, Bieberland will be under construction, and nobody will really take it seriously. Nobody'll take it seriously, until North Korea declares war on Bieberland, and then the Dear Bieber defeats the Dear Leader in a rap battle, thereby leading North Korea to disband through sheer embarrassment, and also a small amount of admiration for the superior Dear Bieber.

Do it, Beebs! You know you want to.