Show and tell story from a very rough school.

note. Please read this in the voice of a small child doing show and tell. It will make it a lot funnier, hopefully.

Yesterday I did a lot of things. I woke up at about lunchtime and said "Happy Fathers Day" to my daddy. I got him a funny card and some lottery tickets. He was happy. He said "thank you very much". Then I was happy, because he said he liked all the stuff.

Then a few hours later, I got a call from my friend. He said, "would you like to come over to my house to play some video games?" I said "yes, I want to do that very much". We played some video games together, it was very fun. We played a soccer game on the Xbox and I played well and I think all the lads gave 110 percent. We came and we played well and we went away with the vital 3 points we needed.

After the video games, I got in my car and drove home. But my car had a small amount of petrol, so I filled it back up again, and also bought some cigarettes with the left over money. As I was driving home, I got pulled over by a policeman. He said "Hello young man, have you had anything to drink tonight?" I said "no" and then drove off. I think the policeman must have been in a lonely mood, because as soon as I drove off, he started to chase me. I didn't have time to play chasey chase, so I ran the red lights, drove up onto the sidewalk and got home safe and sound. My car had a few nasty bruises, though.

When I got home, I took my trench coat off and lit up a cigarette. My mummy was not pleased at all. She said, "Jimmy! What have I told you about leaving your trench coat on the floor? Put it on the coat rack". Then I put it on the coat rack, and I blew smoke in her face as I walked over to the fridge. My mummy coughed for a few minutes and then asked me if I wanted my milk warmed up, and I said "yes please". She warmed it up and gave it to me. I drank all of it and even poured some whisky into the milk. I like when I trick mummy like that. After my milk she put me to bed because she thought I was tired. I wasn't tired, I was just really really drunk.

I passed out and had a good night's sleep. That was what I did yesterday. I hope you all enjoyed my show and tell. My name's Jimmy, and I'll cut you up if you tell anyone about the police chase I was in. Got it! Good.

Thank you for listening.

p.s. If your mummies or daddies are running low on crack, I'll give them my locker combination. My crack-locker has an honesty system of payment. If you take some crack, please leave a bit of money in there.   

   

Urgent!!

WE HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED.

OUR SECRETS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED.

FLEE, IMMEDIATELY!





Details regarding our meeting place and what actions we will have to take, will be encoded in the message below,

fnvnsdsdfgajudmtrhskdjxbgvndjdbb♂csptacenteetdlehehehlssol
stetajtttleswasthjintgtontajugjusjt5201j3hhhoohohcoughcoughfart

Any Takers?

For Sale - 1983 Toyota Corolla KE70, Manual 5spd, 4k-c engine.



Photograph missing due to Error 405(pure awesomeness cache error)



This car is a beautiful little piece of engineering. Ideal for a new young driver, or an old granny. And no one else, really. The interior is a mix of minimalist and absurdist Dada art of the 1920s. The exterior is reminiscent of a beige tissue box with four maltesers under each corner. Just looking at this car will enlighten your artsy mind AND make you hungry for chocolately balls at the same time!
The engine under the hood of this sexy minx, is a 4 cylinder, several kilowatt beauty. It lacks the power even tow in against a 90 year old man on a motorized cart. But, it makes the most awe inspiring noise when it is revved to the limit. And you'll need to rev it to the limit if you want to do a hill-start(without the hill part). Fuel economy is quite literally.......very good indeed! The fuel tank takes a large number of litres, and you could possibly achieve 800-900 kilometres on a full tank of petroleum distillate. The key to this economy is responsible, slow and careful driving. I can't tell you what driving like that feels like, because I'm a bit of a cool dude.

The car is stock, except for the parts that aren't. And the Owner's Manual is a cracking read. I'll chuck that in for no extra cost, probably. In all honesty, the steering wheel is aftermarket, the wheels are aftermarket, the spark plugs were also bought from a dealer on Hindley Street. Everything is 103% legal, trust me. That extra 3% was granted by an innumerate policeman who claimed to have clocked me going 702km/h in a 38km/h zone! The ash-tray is also excellent. It's wide and deep and just perfect for any other nicotine addict who might buy it. The stereo is sensational, too. It plays CDs very loudly and radio stations are easily found by twiddling a knob. The suspension, I'm not going to lie, is quite firm. If you drive on a bumpy, rocky road, your spine will be bashed around and it may start to sound like your back is playing a xylophone. So avoid those types of roads, ok! The suspension is firm, but ultimately rewarding if you like the act of proper driving. Because the car is so light, and because of the lack of power steering, and also because of the firm suspension, the car is insanely fun to drive. Honestly, people in other cars will be looking at you in a strange way, because you'll have a stupid bloody grin on your face.

If you're interested in purchasing this marvel of faceless Japanese conglomerate technology, leave a message.
Don't ring me, just message me. I never answer my phone because certain people are after me and want to hurt me.

Ok, bye bye!