Shhhh!

                                              (The below message is written in invisible ink)

                By the way, please employ me, ASIO. I'd genuinely make a great intelligence officer.

Top secret nugget of information: "                                                                                                              "

My sources shall remain nameless............ASSANGE!.....whoops. 

Well, since I've inadvertently given away my source, I should tell you how he's doing. He loves the embassy in Ecuador, he especially loves the fresh coffee and goats milk. 

Okay, I'm probably in a lot of trouble now, so..................goodbye, I might not be alive by the time you read this!  

If you're interested in knowing what the invisible message was, leave a comment and I'll tell you.

Amazing Leaked Document of Extraterrestrial Origin......read with discretion!

A few weeks ago, I posted about a leaked NASA Martian mission, including firsthand quotes. Well, I've got something even more amazing for you now. This new document proves that intelligent life HAS been to Earth before, at least once!

Eat your heart out, Julian Assange and Wikileaks. I've managed to get hold of the most incredible secret document just a few moments ago. This document is almost certainly of an extra-terrestrial origin. After much analysis, we believe this document you're about to read seems to be some kind of report. An alien seems to be reporting back to his/hers/its superiors.

                                         We believe their HQ would look something like this

Please be careful not to tell very many people about this. Even though this is on the internet now, I'm quite confident that no one important will find out about it, because this blog is seen by such a tiny number of people....*sadface*

So, without further ado, here it is. Prepare yourselves.

Report from Planet Earth

"Reconnaissance unit leader No.- Major Sligtob

This report is for Karlog Mabtor's eyeballs only

Any unauthorized eyeballs reading this report will be punished very severely by small creatures being inserted into their undergarments.


"When I first learned I would be shot down to the Planet Earth, I was very hesitant, and then quite afraid. We'd all heard of the barbaric ways of the Earthians on our own home planet. The wars, the genocide, the television programming, the food, the drugs and all of the trademark Earthian quirks which are a direct threat to the future of all intelligent life in the galaxy. 

The trip to Earth was the first hiccup I encountered. When I was beamed(one-way) to Earth, I was diverted to the Earth's moon by the endless bureaucracy of the Earthian space authorities. I had to talk to some head-honchos on Earth via a thing called a "telephonic device", and finally got my beaming undiverted back straight to Earth.

The atmosphere on Earth is a strange kind of thing. It's hot in some places, and cold in other parts. There is no consistency in the atmosphere. No uniform weather. The Earthians haven't yet discovered how to control the weather. And they never will if they keep killing everything on their planet! I thought about giving the barbaric Earthians the power and knowledge of planetary weather control. I pondered this for a good 30 Earth minutes, but I was arrested for a thing called "loitering", which, on our planet, would be called "standing".

The city I visited first, was New York. A city is a kind of giant metallic organism, which people live and work in. New York is a very intriguing place. Everybody looks different. Everybody was doing different things. They seemed to have no sense of uniformity or proper order. I had to try to fit in and not look too obviously alien-like. So I copied the behavior of the natives. I walked up to a roadside food salesman. I stood there and waited for the salesman to greet me. But he just stood there looking at my face in a rather odd way. He then shouted "WADDYA WANT?" I responded, "please give me your finest culinary creation". He then proceeded to pick up a thin tube of generic animal matter and placed it in between an inedible looking kind of smooth beige rock, which he had cut in half to make way for the tube of dead animal! Eating this thing was the single most incredible experience of my life. I have placed trace amounts of this "hot-dog" food in the envelope of this letter, so the guys back at the lab should be able to reassemble the full hot-dog, and just you wait.....for the taste sensation of the "HOT-DOG"!

Unfortunately my visit was cut short very abruptly. The pleasure I felt because of this hot-dog, caused me to blow my cover in the most embarrassing way. My true form was revealed  I couldn't help it. It tasted so good, I couldn't help but let my cover go. The people around me screamed and ran away in pure terror. The police were called, and eventually the armed forces showed up. I was arrested and put into solitary confinement at a place called Area 51.

Send help,

Yours sincerely, Maj. Sligtob."


Your life is now changed, thank me later.

  






  

Urgent!!

WE HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED.

OUR SECRETS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED.

FLEE, IMMEDIATELY!





Details regarding our meeting place and what actions we will have to take, will be encoded in the message below,

fnvnsdsdfgajudmtrhskdjxbgvndjdbb♂csptacenteetdlehehehlssol
stetajtttleswasthjintgtontajugjusjt5201j3hhhoohohcoughcoughfart

Leaked NASA story of Mars Astronaut! (fake)

FOR TOP SECRET PERSONNEL ONLY

The following account is top secret.
Unauthorized readers will be dealt with quickly and secretly.

"Crash, bang, wallop! The cosmic rain was falling so very hard on the flimsy tin roof of the 5491 Endeavor-mobile. Captain Jonathan Glorpe, sensing a catastrophic structural failure of his six-wheeled space exploration vehicle, engaged the turbo-ion-phaser-quark engine afterburners, and with a short burst of blue flame, he traveled off, away from the rainfall at a staggering speed! 


Captain Glorpe returned to his base-camp atop the aptly named Bloody Big Mountain(named by Glorpe himself, what a guy!). He cooked some dinner, he recorded his thoughts on his day's activities and he went to sleep inside his Manchester United sleeping bag." 

The two paragraphs above were written by Glorpe himself, in his own particular, entertaining narrative style, before we lost contact with him for a short while. They are real accounts of real things that really happened.....for real!

Some background information about this brave soul will be available for you to read in the next paragraph. But just briefly, I'd like to extend my deepest condolences to his sweet 18 year old life-partner, who's had to endure such a long time without her man.  

Captain Glorpe was sent to Mars in the year 2034. He graduated top of his class at NASA in 2031. Along with Glorpe, three other astronauts were sent to Mars; Major Jackson, Commander Spliff and Corporal Faku. Only Captain Glorpe survived "the incident", while the three others died. The incident in question occurred on the 25th of May, 2032. A life-form of unknown origin, possibly a Martian, entered the NASA base-camp, and completely destroyed three of the astronauts using a futuristic looking laser gun. With just three shots from its laser gun, the "Martian" practically vaporized the three poor men from NASA. Captain Glorpe managed to survive because he overslept and missed the morning alarm. The Martian seemed to not to bother with Capt. Glorpe, perhaps because the Martian got whatever it came for, or maybe because it didn't see the sleeping Glorpe as a threat. Anyway, all relevant authorities on Earth have been informed of this terrible incident, and all are acting in their own special and unique way to find out more and how to defeat these illegal aliens.

Captain Glorpe has sent messages back to Earth, messages to his family and friend, messages about things that he is missing back on Earth, such as the release of Justin Bieber's 78th album, and the second series of "Are You Smarter Than An Earthling?" Currently Captain Glorpe is set to arrive back on Earth in ten months time, and no doubt, NASA and other organizations, will be questioning him very rigorously about his experiences on Mars.

Over and out.