Facebook, the best cure for happiness in the world!

Whenever you're in a very good mood, get your arse over onto Facebook, and within several seconds, you can actually feel the happiness drain from your brain, dribble down your back, and make your pants feel wet with despair!

The age of uniqueness is coming to an end, ladies and gentledudes.

If you live in a Western country, if you speak English as your first or second language, if you have a reasonably comfortable living, you will undoubtedly be plugged into social media/networking of some sort or another. Twitter and Facebook are the two big players in this game. A game that is marketed as being harmless fun and just a little luxury in life that encourages friendship and genuine communicational enjoyment. It is not like that. It is NOT like that, at all.

First of all, you join up to whichever social media site you wish, for the vast majority of sad fools, it will be Facebook or Twitter, or both! Joining up is very, very easy - because they WANT you to join, they want you to become a piece in their nutty puzzle. Facebook, for example, sends out "friend requests" to ALL of your e-mail contacts. This is the FIRST thing Facebook does to you, and it's a terrible idea, possibly a very dangerous idea(sending a friend request to your most hated enemies whose contacts you still have). After Facebook bombards helpless people with your pathetically pleading friend requests, it asks you to create a profile which will be completely your own. Facebook keeps your profile on record forever, so it's not just your own, it's Facebook's own too!

I'll be honest here; I'm only going to be talking about Facebook from now on, because I've no experience with Twitter or any others, because Facebook has taken over my life in a way that not even my nicotine addiction can rival.

If you don't have many friends in real life, you won't be fixing that with Facebook. Popular people with a multitude of friends will have many hundreds, possibly thousands of Facebook friends. Shy, recluses like me, have less than one hundred. If people like me have more than 100 Facebook friends, it means that they have spent several days clicking "add friend" on everybody's page they
can find. And that's such a pathetic thing, I'm actually starting to cry. I wrote a letter to Mark Zuckerburg's(creator of Facebook) people, and I suggested the tagline for Facebook should be "Facebook, where narcissists come to be themselves!" No reply was given to me, and I know Mark Zuckerburg himself, was deeply hurt by my jibe, because my suggestion was deleted from the page
it was posted on.

That's the thing about "Facey", as it is affectionately called, by pricks! It makes you care about things and people you usually wouldn't give a flying Facebook about. I don't like sick dogs, but when someone posts pictures of one and morally blackmails me to care about it, I can't help but press the "like" button, and waste precious time and calories worrying about this canine with a cold.

People like to think that they are unique and special. But on Facebook, the stark truth comes to light. On Facebook, and therefore to a large extent in real life; people slot very snugly into a few certain groups. There is "The funny-persons", "The serious",  "The Bullies", and finally the "Vacuous Sexies". The Bullies are a genuine menace, and they shouldn't be tolerated by anybody at
anytime. That's all I can really say about the Bullies. The Serious are an interesting group. They are refreshing in a way, because they don't even try to be funny. But the content of their posts and statuses are so dour, they make you want to jump from a very tall tree! The Funny-persons are perhaps the most annoying group, because very rarely are they truly funny. This group tends
to rely on posting jokes they find on joke websites or even worse, their own relentless attempts at tiring observational humour. The Vacuous Sexies are the most interesting group. They are very physically attractive and immensely popular. They don't offer anything new or intriguing to Facebook, but they do post pictures of themselves, often on beaches! They are the most perfect
example of the shallowness of human beings. No one cares what they say or do, but they can't help but "like" everything they post on Facebook because somewhere deep within their primal monkey brains, they hope that "liking" a post will get them some sex with the Vacuous Sexy in question.

So, enjoy your social networking, if you can. 



Satan and 26 other people like this
Like     Comment     Share                                   Posted on 11:30pm June 22nd

Twitter for twat-ters?

Twitter, for those of you who don't know, which is NOBODY, is essentially a website you can join up to, and consequently spend all your free time telling everybody who you think is "following" you what kind of boring, inane things you do in your day to day life.

"I just did a poo. A long one, too"

"Starbucks coffee, I swear, is the work of God"

"Trying my best to get into work without having to walk through the cluster of gross smokers outside the building"

"Bieber is such a stupid little girly boy"

"I'll be on Minecraft tonight, join my server for fun block building times" 


Now, all of the above statements seem harmless, don't they?

Wrong!........probably, let me explain.

My theory is that Twitter, with its unshakeable 140 character rule, is actually a very subtle tool constructed by God knows who, possibly the government or the corporations that control the government, as a means of crushing dissent........articulate dissent in particular.

Whenever there's a revolution going on in the world, Tunisia and Libya are prime examples, Twitter was praised by the media as being instrumental in the revolution itself. Hundreds of thousands of unhappy revolutionaries apparently were spurred on and then encouraged others to join in the revolution via Twitter. Obviously this is completely true, to a certain extent. Below are my reasons for believing that Twitter may not be all that useful in certain circumstances and downright stupid in others.

Pros:
1. via Twitter you do occasionally get the odd link to an interesting website or article(a website or article that doesn't restrict itself to 140 CHARACTERS!

2. It could possibly be a good way to keep in touch with friends and family, even though Facebook is far superior in that regard.

3. It allows damaged people to believe that they've got genuine "followers". Jesus complex much?

4. If you're the type of person who enjoys short, sharp one liner jokes, then Twitter is right up your alley.

Cons:
1. 140 characters doesn't really represent a well thought out point or argument.

2. Twitter is the perfect medium for bullies. It allows such stupid people to vent their pathetic anger in short bursts of one or two sentences.

3. It has become a trend. And all trends will one day, die. The day will come, if it hasn't already, when NOT being on Twitter will be as ostracising as being a crack head. This is death for Twitter, as people will start to naturally rebel, Twitter's members will drop in number, and *poof* the little blue birdie will get sucked into a jet engine and die almost instantly.

4. As I said before, the government and their goon friends can access your Tweets and take them completely out of context, because of the 140 character limit. Leaving you being water boarded at Guantanamo Bay.

You can use Twitter all you want, but don't complain when you stop enjoying your Twitter experience. You only had yourself to blame.
#theend