Urgent!!

WE HAVE BEEN DISCOVERED.

OUR SECRETS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED.

FLEE, IMMEDIATELY!





Details regarding our meeting place and what actions we will have to take, will be encoded in the message below,

fnvnsdsdfgajudmtrhskdjxbgvndjdbb♂csptacenteetdlehehehlssol
stetajtttleswasthjintgtontajugjusjt5201j3hhhoohohcoughcoughfart

Marijuana is illegal, but Alcohol and Tobacco is Legal?!

It is an absolute mystery to why Marijuana is illegal, while alcohol and tobacco are completely legal. If the "Government" is really concerned with our health and safety, then why is marijuana illegal? Why is alcohol and tobacco still legal, even though both drugs(alcohol and tobacco) kill more people than all other drugs combined, each year?

I genuinely cannot explain why marijuana is illegal, while the MOST harmful drugs known to man are easily attained, is a fucking mystery to me!

Now, don't get me wrong. I've never smoked marijuana, and I don't really intend to smoke it. But, it is among the most harmless drugs known to man. Alcohol and tobacco, on the other hand, have killed many thousands of people this year alone!

If anybody knows exactly why marijuana is illegal, rather than beer and cigarettes, please tell me in the comments...........I'm desperate to know!

Leaked NASA story of Mars Astronaut! (fake)

FOR TOP SECRET PERSONNEL ONLY

The following account is top secret.
Unauthorized readers will be dealt with quickly and secretly.

"Crash, bang, wallop! The cosmic rain was falling so very hard on the flimsy tin roof of the 5491 Endeavor-mobile. Captain Jonathan Glorpe, sensing a catastrophic structural failure of his six-wheeled space exploration vehicle, engaged the turbo-ion-phaser-quark engine afterburners, and with a short burst of blue flame, he traveled off, away from the rainfall at a staggering speed! 


Captain Glorpe returned to his base-camp atop the aptly named Bloody Big Mountain(named by Glorpe himself, what a guy!). He cooked some dinner, he recorded his thoughts on his day's activities and he went to sleep inside his Manchester United sleeping bag." 

The two paragraphs above were written by Glorpe himself, in his own particular, entertaining narrative style, before we lost contact with him for a short while. They are real accounts of real things that really happened.....for real!

Some background information about this brave soul will be available for you to read in the next paragraph. But just briefly, I'd like to extend my deepest condolences to his sweet 18 year old life-partner, who's had to endure such a long time without her man.  

Captain Glorpe was sent to Mars in the year 2034. He graduated top of his class at NASA in 2031. Along with Glorpe, three other astronauts were sent to Mars; Major Jackson, Commander Spliff and Corporal Faku. Only Captain Glorpe survived "the incident", while the three others died. The incident in question occurred on the 25th of May, 2032. A life-form of unknown origin, possibly a Martian, entered the NASA base-camp, and completely destroyed three of the astronauts using a futuristic looking laser gun. With just three shots from its laser gun, the "Martian" practically vaporized the three poor men from NASA. Captain Glorpe managed to survive because he overslept and missed the morning alarm. The Martian seemed to not to bother with Capt. Glorpe, perhaps because the Martian got whatever it came for, or maybe because it didn't see the sleeping Glorpe as a threat. Anyway, all relevant authorities on Earth have been informed of this terrible incident, and all are acting in their own special and unique way to find out more and how to defeat these illegal aliens.

Captain Glorpe has sent messages back to Earth, messages to his family and friend, messages about things that he is missing back on Earth, such as the release of Justin Bieber's 78th album, and the second series of "Are You Smarter Than An Earthling?" Currently Captain Glorpe is set to arrive back on Earth in ten months time, and no doubt, NASA and other organizations, will be questioning him very rigorously about his experiences on Mars.

Over and out.

    

Nightclubs. Don't Go. Just Don't. Stay at Home, Read a Book or Something.

We've all been there, done that.

I recently spoke with a man who had a very interesting and terrifying story. His story involves a nightclub, and what happened to him in and around the nightclub.

I've tried my best to retell his story as accurately as possible.

Here it is.......

"Nightclubs, right...........

A bunch of semi-drunk, blonde bombshells, all decked to the nines, assaulted me and the passenger in my car. It was a Friday night, and we were driving through the city of Adelaide to get home. The four or five ladies flagged us down, got us to stop our car and then dragged us out onto the streets. They didn't beat us or anything like that. But they did verbally berate us to the point of tears. The reason behind this attack - was simply that these young lasses desperately wanted an iPhone charger. They were all running low on battery power on their iPhones. They were late for their VIP entry into "Le Sheet" nightclub. Without having working iPhones on them meant that they would be
unable to take pictures of themselves and chat to friends on Facebook.

I didn't have a lot of sympathy for these girls, but I was intrigued to the point of Indiana Jones-style adventure. I dropped my passenger off at my house, and then ventured off to investigate this situation. I wanted to know what exactly happens in these so-called "Party places". What would drive a group of luscious girls to attack a harmless couple of citizens? I investigated this phenomenon and very surprising results hit me....in the face, then I was  asked to leave. Anyway, here goes.........

Waiting in line to get into this nightclub was the very first surprise. A man was clearly very drunk, and he was standing in front of me. He vomited on his shoes, then fell over. I brushed him aside and stepped forward one place. As I approached the entrance, I was suddenly seized by a big, bald man. He asked to see my ID. I showed him my ID, and he said I looked much older than my age......I was hurt, to say the least!

As I entered the establishment in question, an overwhelming noise blew my ears off, and the stench of sweat and other bodily fluids bombarded my nostrils. A glowing tube of possibly cancer-causing chemicals was offered to me by a ravishing young lady. I declined the offer, because I didn't want to stand out, because I was on a mission from conservative/straight-edge God!

When I entered the main stage area of "Le Sheet", a man with a camera took my photograph, I did not agree to this, but I could not do anything about it. I wasn't even wearing my best pair of spectacles! Feeling very despondent and glum, I shuffled over to the bar and ordered a double whiskey. The price of this tiny amount of liquid actually made me scream involuntarily. People were giving me strangle looks, and I was giving them strange looks. Nobody of the opposite sex approached me for sex, or just a bit of a chat. The stress of this situation made me want to start smoking again. So I walked out into the outdoor smoking area. I asked a young lady for a cigarette, and she complied with my request. She even lit it for me. Classy lady.

As I was puffing away, a small fight started in front of me. It then got a lot worse. A large man with a long beard pulled out a Glock 17 pistol(with a flashlight attachment). He fired it into the air three times and everybody ran away, screaming. I, however, did not run away. I attempted to defuse the situation, by fainting. By the time I came to, I was picked up by a bouncer. I was accused of being too drunk for the establishment's standards. Subsequently I left, angry and afraid.

I went home and cried for a few moments, so distraught by my nightclub experience. I implore you all to not step foot inside any nightclub, unless you have diarrhea  I suppose you could run in to do your business, but then GET OUT OF THERE!"

This kind of thing must happen all the time! Be careful peeps. 

Facebook, the best cure for happiness in the world!

Whenever you're in a very good mood, get your arse over onto Facebook, and within several seconds, you can actually feel the happiness drain from your brain, dribble down your back, and make your pants feel wet with despair!

The age of uniqueness is coming to an end, ladies and gentledudes.

If you live in a Western country, if you speak English as your first or second language, if you have a reasonably comfortable living, you will undoubtedly be plugged into social media/networking of some sort or another. Twitter and Facebook are the two big players in this game. A game that is marketed as being harmless fun and just a little luxury in life that encourages friendship and genuine communicational enjoyment. It is not like that. It is NOT like that, at all.

First of all, you join up to whichever social media site you wish, for the vast majority of sad fools, it will be Facebook or Twitter, or both! Joining up is very, very easy - because they WANT you to join, they want you to become a piece in their nutty puzzle. Facebook, for example, sends out "friend requests" to ALL of your e-mail contacts. This is the FIRST thing Facebook does to you, and it's a terrible idea, possibly a very dangerous idea(sending a friend request to your most hated enemies whose contacts you still have). After Facebook bombards helpless people with your pathetically pleading friend requests, it asks you to create a profile which will be completely your own. Facebook keeps your profile on record forever, so it's not just your own, it's Facebook's own too!

I'll be honest here; I'm only going to be talking about Facebook from now on, because I've no experience with Twitter or any others, because Facebook has taken over my life in a way that not even my nicotine addiction can rival.

If you don't have many friends in real life, you won't be fixing that with Facebook. Popular people with a multitude of friends will have many hundreds, possibly thousands of Facebook friends. Shy, recluses like me, have less than one hundred. If people like me have more than 100 Facebook friends, it means that they have spent several days clicking "add friend" on everybody's page they
can find. And that's such a pathetic thing, I'm actually starting to cry. I wrote a letter to Mark Zuckerburg's(creator of Facebook) people, and I suggested the tagline for Facebook should be "Facebook, where narcissists come to be themselves!" No reply was given to me, and I know Mark Zuckerburg himself, was deeply hurt by my jibe, because my suggestion was deleted from the page
it was posted on.

That's the thing about "Facey", as it is affectionately called, by pricks! It makes you care about things and people you usually wouldn't give a flying Facebook about. I don't like sick dogs, but when someone posts pictures of one and morally blackmails me to care about it, I can't help but press the "like" button, and waste precious time and calories worrying about this canine with a cold.

People like to think that they are unique and special. But on Facebook, the stark truth comes to light. On Facebook, and therefore to a large extent in real life; people slot very snugly into a few certain groups. There is "The funny-persons", "The serious",  "The Bullies", and finally the "Vacuous Sexies". The Bullies are a genuine menace, and they shouldn't be tolerated by anybody at
anytime. That's all I can really say about the Bullies. The Serious are an interesting group. They are refreshing in a way, because they don't even try to be funny. But the content of their posts and statuses are so dour, they make you want to jump from a very tall tree! The Funny-persons are perhaps the most annoying group, because very rarely are they truly funny. This group tends
to rely on posting jokes they find on joke websites or even worse, their own relentless attempts at tiring observational humour. The Vacuous Sexies are the most interesting group. They are very physically attractive and immensely popular. They don't offer anything new or intriguing to Facebook, but they do post pictures of themselves, often on beaches! They are the most perfect
example of the shallowness of human beings. No one cares what they say or do, but they can't help but "like" everything they post on Facebook because somewhere deep within their primal monkey brains, they hope that "liking" a post will get them some sex with the Vacuous Sexy in question.

So, enjoy your social networking, if you can. 



Satan and 26 other people like this
Like     Comment     Share                                   Posted on 11:30pm June 22nd

You just can't write this stuff! Why football is the best sport you've ever seen!

To show you just how good football is, I'm going to concentrate on describing just one game. The 2005 Champions League Final to be exact.

                                                 25th May in Istanbul, Ataturk Stadium.

                                                          Liverpool F.C vs. AC Milan

AC Milan were thought by most to be the best team in the world, by quite a margin. Liverpool were the underdogs, they had a pretty rough time qualifying for the final, but they did qualify after a controversial goal against Chelsea F.C. in the semi-final.

The game began in the usual manner, then Milan's captain, Paolo Maldini, scored a goal within the first minute of the game. Liverpool were shaken by this very early goal, and it showed. Then, Hernan Crespo scored in the 39th minute, and then again in the 44th minute. A minute later, the first half of the game came to an end. It looked like it was all over for Liverpool. There was seemingly no way back, and many believed that Milan could go on to score a couple more goals.

Nobody knows exactly what Liverpool's manager, Rafa Benitez, said during halftime, but whatever he said worked perfectly, and set the stage for the greatest sporting comeback in history.

Liverpool changed a few players, and changed their formation into more midfield-based one. Dietmar Hamann was asked to man-mark the Milanese star players Kaka and Pirlo. Within ten minutes of the second half, Steven Gerrard, Liverpool's captain, scored a goal with his head. This goal urged the Liverpool fans on and they sang and bounced their hearts out. Two minutes after Gerrard's goal, Vladimir Smicer took a shot from a long way out and it went in! Two goals in two minutes.

Liverpool's equalizing goal came from a penalty kick. Steven Gerrard was fouled inside the penalty area and earned Liverpool's chance at a third goal. Spaniard, Xabi Alonso, took the penalty. He kicked it to the bottom right, but Milan's goalkeeper saved it, Alonso then ran up to the loose ball and fired it into the top of the goal. Three goals in six minutes for Liverpool! Now they were on equal terms with Milan. GAME ON!

The rest of the game was played out, and neither team scored another goal. It went into extra time, and still neither team scored a goal, although Liverpool's goalkeeper, Jerzy Dudek, pulled off a miraculous double-save to deny Andriy Shevchenko(Milan's best player). The game would be decided on penalties. Yes, the dreaded penalty shootout.

The penalty shootout, and the whole game, came down to Andriy Shevchenko. It was match-point, and Shevchenko HAD to score, or else Liverpool would be European champions.

 

 He took his shot, but Dudek managed to get his left hand in the way, and Liverpool won their 5th Champions League title, after a 21 year gap since their last victory.

I'm not even a Liverpool fan. I don't support Liverpool, but I did that night!      

Will Australia win the World Cup? No they won't, but please read anyway..........

The Australian national football team has qualified for a place in the FIFA World Cup 2014 in Brazil. This is only the fourth time Australia has qualified for the biggest sporting event this side of the galaxy. First in 1974, then 2006, 2010 and now 2014. I am very excited because I'm a big fan of football, however, Australia is pretty damn terrible at football compared to most national teams in the world.

We definitely don't have the skill and talent of England, Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Spain, France etc. You name a country, and we're probably worse than them. But, we have heart and tenacity and a level of pure physical fitness that few other national teams have.

We definitely won't win the World Cup, it's just not possible, it would be like a Catholic priest behaving himself in a kindergarten, just not possible.
However, these consistent World Cup appearances for Australia can only be a good thing. A good thing first and foremost because each World Cup appearance will damage the popularity of the pathetic sport of AFL(Australian Rules Football). If I was a dictator, the only thing I'd outlaw would be AFL. And a few other things, quite a lot of things actually, never mind.

Support our players, watch them play, envy their glamorous lives, envy the amount of money they get for doing not much at all, and above all HATE A.F.L. with the most ferocious rage you can muster!  

Twitter for twat-ters?

Twitter, for those of you who don't know, which is NOBODY, is essentially a website you can join up to, and consequently spend all your free time telling everybody who you think is "following" you what kind of boring, inane things you do in your day to day life.

"I just did a poo. A long one, too"

"Starbucks coffee, I swear, is the work of God"

"Trying my best to get into work without having to walk through the cluster of gross smokers outside the building"

"Bieber is such a stupid little girly boy"

"I'll be on Minecraft tonight, join my server for fun block building times" 


Now, all of the above statements seem harmless, don't they?

Wrong!........probably, let me explain.

My theory is that Twitter, with its unshakeable 140 character rule, is actually a very subtle tool constructed by God knows who, possibly the government or the corporations that control the government, as a means of crushing dissent........articulate dissent in particular.

Whenever there's a revolution going on in the world, Tunisia and Libya are prime examples, Twitter was praised by the media as being instrumental in the revolution itself. Hundreds of thousands of unhappy revolutionaries apparently were spurred on and then encouraged others to join in the revolution via Twitter. Obviously this is completely true, to a certain extent. Below are my reasons for believing that Twitter may not be all that useful in certain circumstances and downright stupid in others.

Pros:
1. via Twitter you do occasionally get the odd link to an interesting website or article(a website or article that doesn't restrict itself to 140 CHARACTERS!

2. It could possibly be a good way to keep in touch with friends and family, even though Facebook is far superior in that regard.

3. It allows damaged people to believe that they've got genuine "followers". Jesus complex much?

4. If you're the type of person who enjoys short, sharp one liner jokes, then Twitter is right up your alley.

Cons:
1. 140 characters doesn't really represent a well thought out point or argument.

2. Twitter is the perfect medium for bullies. It allows such stupid people to vent their pathetic anger in short bursts of one or two sentences.

3. It has become a trend. And all trends will one day, die. The day will come, if it hasn't already, when NOT being on Twitter will be as ostracising as being a crack head. This is death for Twitter, as people will start to naturally rebel, Twitter's members will drop in number, and *poof* the little blue birdie will get sucked into a jet engine and die almost instantly.

4. As I said before, the government and their goon friends can access your Tweets and take them completely out of context, because of the 140 character limit. Leaving you being water boarded at Guantanamo Bay.

You can use Twitter all you want, but don't complain when you stop enjoying your Twitter experience. You only had yourself to blame.
#theend




 

You Are Dead!

If you've played DayZ anytime since my last post on the subject of DayZ, you will have undoubtedly seen this message pop up on your screen , at least once!

If you've encountered this message, all I can say is........hang in there. You'll eventually become quite adept at this game, and not only that, you'll become engrossed in this horribly terrifying game. It will take over your life in a way that not even heroin can dream of.

This game is heroin! It's addictive and scary and you will love every minute of it. The amazing thing about DayZ is that the most mundane video-gamey things, like finding a car or plane, become the most thrilling and heart-pounding things you've ever encountered in any entertainment medium. No film, no play, no artwork will ever give you that rush of adrenaline.

You simply must hang in there, if you are altready playing this game. If you're not playing this game, I urge you, I implore you to join in this, the most visceral experience you'll probably ever encounter.

 

Money Money Money!

Which moron invented money? Does anyone know? Because I, and many others, would like to smack them in the face

Our lives are controlled by money. The more you have, the more opportunities you'll have in life. Is that fair? Nah, nah it's bloody not!

The corrupt bankers are playing with money for a living, a lot of that money is our own. But, money on that level, on the level of hundreds of billions, doesn't really exist. It's all just numbers on a computer. The bankers shuffle these numbers around, they add a bit more, they subtract a bit here and there, and for this mundane act, they get paid MILLIONS!

Money should be abolished, and a sort of bartering system should be reintroduced. Everyone would prosper that way. If you were a gifted craftsman, you could sell your creations for a nice house or car or Xbox. If you were a talented artist, you could sell your artwork for almost anything you wanted. A bartering system puts everybody on an equal footing. Everybody has a certain talent for something, and likewise, everybody has a different appreciation for different things. If somebody likes your writings, they might give you a mansion.......they'd have to really love your writing, though.

Instead of a totalizing object, like money, bartering would be a completely self-organizing system. All the kinks would iron themselves out almost instantly. If you don't have enough "money" for something, you simply can't buy it. But, within a bartering system, nothing is beyond your reach, as long as you're willing to invest the time connecting with that person and finding out exactly what they would accept in return.

Bartering, unlike money, would help all people connect to one another and communicate in a meaningful way.

Money divides us all and makes certain people feel inferior and other people feel superior. Bartering, on the other hand, gives us ALL an opportunity to make our lives better.

Bartering all the way! Obviously the whole "money" system will probably never go away, as long as there are greedy arses on the planet, but please, give bartering a good try. There are many companies that will gladly barter/haggle with you, and I guarantee you, it's a lot more satisfying than just handing over a meaningless piece of paper over to the person at the counter.

Is Olive Oil the next drug epidemic?

When you watch a cooking program, you'll notice quite quickly, that the chefs on whichever program you watch, are OBSESSED with olive oil!

They drizzle the stuff all over everything they cook, possibly over stuff they don't cook, like cook books and flesh wounds.

There are only two explanations for this obsession with crushed little green ovular balls;

1. Chefs all over the world are in cahoots with the major olive oil companies and are being paid off big-time. If so, why is Gordon Ramsay so damn angry all the time?!

2. It just tastes really good. It tastes good on pretty much everything. (This explanation needs further research and critical analysis)

So, seeing as the Greek economy is going down the toilet, the Greeks need to find a way to make their olive oil super delicious, or find a use for olive pips. If the Greeks tampered with their olive oil so as to make it as addictive as nicotine, then maybe, just maybe, their economy will be saved, and they can rule the world again, just like they did thousands of years ago.

If the Greek olive oil was as addictive as nicotine or heroin, it would soon become commonplace to see olive junkies standing outside restaurants, waiting to pounce on the diners as they walk out, ready to lick off any trace amounts of olive oil from the diner's shirts and pants.

I sincerely hope this doesn't happen, but the Greek government has tried everything! What have they got to lose? So, keeps your eyes open for the newspaper headline "Greek economists say pip-pip-hooray".

p.s. If there are any food enthusiasts or chefs out there, please tell me what the appeal of olive oil is.

Hello, out there?

If anybody out there is interested in joining me in this Blogging business, or if there is a person or group who is in need of an extra person, I'm available.

This Blogging thing is a lonely trade, and it would be just swell if the person reading this right now, yes YOU, could lend a helping hand and send and e-mail or something like that.

My intentions are good. I just want to join a group, and therefore please my primal ape instinct for group solidarity.

So if you're interested, send me an e-mail and we'll go from there.................

Why isn't the U.S. intervening in world affairs anymore?

Things right now are going to shit in Syria, Turkey and many other places. So, why isn't the United States intervening? Basically, it's because the Syrians and the Turkish are hurting their own people, and not any other nation's people. That's the thing! When Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait, the US was right in there before you could say "Play your Kurds right". World War 2 as well. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour, and the US bolted right into the thick of it, and consequently saved the world.....yes, well done America.

http://www.commentarymagazine.com/2012/04/10/why-u-s-not-helping-syrian-rebels/

The exact minute that the Syrian or Turkish government goons start attacking their neighbouring countries, the US will drop everything and come to the rescue, like they do in all those Western films.

It's the same thing between America and China. China has a disgraceful human rights history, but the US has been pretty much silent on the problems in China. But, the minute that China launches military installations on the Moon, the US  will be up there in a matter of months.

So, the US is more than willing to help out the world, but only under certain circumstances;

1. If a country invades another country, 'Murica will be there!

2. If a country threatens the US's interests....*cough* oil reserves *cough*

3. If a country spreads its silly ideology into another country. By this logic, America should invade itself for spreading mass consumerism and reality T.V.!

4. There could be more reasons for the US invading another country, but I can't think of any without having my "US Foreign Policy for Dummies" book with me. I let George W. Bush borrow it, and he hasn't returned it.  

When you're sick.........

Seeing as I've got a throat infection and it's raining outside, I'm going to tell you what to do when you're feeling like crap, and when there's nothing to do.


1. You could go for a drive, but you'll likely be dosed to the eyeballs on medication. So that's not really an option.

2. You could watch T.V., but you'll be enraged by the happy and healthy smiling faces of the T.V. stars. This is also not advisable.

3. You might like to go outside and enjoy nature, but who the hell does that when you have the internet!?

4. Eat yourself into a coma, then wake up when you're not sick anymore. (Best option)

5. Invent a time machine, go to the future, find the cure for all diseases, go back to your own time, cure yourself, charge a lot of money for your miracle cure, become the richest person in history, build a massive bubble around your compound, never get sick again............man, this medication I'm on is heavy stuff!

6. Watch cat videos on the internet(self explanatory).

7. Tough it out, show that virus who's boss. Make yourself even sicker by drinking large amount of booze, and smoke a bunch of cigarettes.(Do not do this)

Okay, there you have it. Fool proof tips to enjoy your particular ailment.

p.s. I'm not a Doctor.

Also, a fun fact. You actually CAN drink alcohol while you're on antibiotics. Because the first real antibiotics were developed to treat syphilis, and one of the main ways syphilis spreads is via sexual fun times. So doctors said, "Look, you're on these antibiotics, don't drink, don't get up to any funny business, okay?"    SCIENCE BITCH!!


Here are some even better tips, written by a real Doctor, I think.
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1018991-10-reasons-why-being-sick-is-fun

Visit this site, for a chuckle.

A notoriously no-bullshit magazine. Founded by a bunch of British public schoolboys, then taken over by Peter Cook, the legendary British comedian. This magazine is still up and running even after countless lawsuits against it. Since the early sixties, Private Eye has been probably the most truthful and exposing publication in the United Kingdom, even though it started out as a funny little magazine by a few young men. Enjoy!                 

Any Takers?

For Sale - 1983 Toyota Corolla KE70, Manual 5spd, 4k-c engine.



Photograph missing due to Error 405(pure awesomeness cache error)



This car is a beautiful little piece of engineering. Ideal for a new young driver, or an old granny. And no one else, really. The interior is a mix of minimalist and absurdist Dada art of the 1920s. The exterior is reminiscent of a beige tissue box with four maltesers under each corner. Just looking at this car will enlighten your artsy mind AND make you hungry for chocolately balls at the same time!
The engine under the hood of this sexy minx, is a 4 cylinder, several kilowatt beauty. It lacks the power even tow in against a 90 year old man on a motorized cart. But, it makes the most awe inspiring noise when it is revved to the limit. And you'll need to rev it to the limit if you want to do a hill-start(without the hill part). Fuel economy is quite literally.......very good indeed! The fuel tank takes a large number of litres, and you could possibly achieve 800-900 kilometres on a full tank of petroleum distillate. The key to this economy is responsible, slow and careful driving. I can't tell you what driving like that feels like, because I'm a bit of a cool dude.

The car is stock, except for the parts that aren't. And the Owner's Manual is a cracking read. I'll chuck that in for no extra cost, probably. In all honesty, the steering wheel is aftermarket, the wheels are aftermarket, the spark plugs were also bought from a dealer on Hindley Street. Everything is 103% legal, trust me. That extra 3% was granted by an innumerate policeman who claimed to have clocked me going 702km/h in a 38km/h zone! The ash-tray is also excellent. It's wide and deep and just perfect for any other nicotine addict who might buy it. The stereo is sensational, too. It plays CDs very loudly and radio stations are easily found by twiddling a knob. The suspension, I'm not going to lie, is quite firm. If you drive on a bumpy, rocky road, your spine will be bashed around and it may start to sound like your back is playing a xylophone. So avoid those types of roads, ok! The suspension is firm, but ultimately rewarding if you like the act of proper driving. Because the car is so light, and because of the lack of power steering, and also because of the firm suspension, the car is insanely fun to drive. Honestly, people in other cars will be looking at you in a strange way, because you'll have a stupid bloody grin on your face.

If you're interested in purchasing this marvel of faceless Japanese conglomerate technology, leave a message.
Don't ring me, just message me. I never answer my phone because certain people are after me and want to hurt me.

Ok, bye bye!

To Blog or not to Blog, that is the question..

First ever Blog post, palms are sweaty, heart is palpitating, this is intense.

Nah, I'm fine.

I'm doing this as an experiment in efficient time management. I use the internet every single day, and it's fair to say that all that time is wasted. Wasted on pointless YouTube videos and Facebook inanity.

So, this Blog was set up by myself in order to do something productive on the damned interwebs!

I may very well consider turning this Blog into a more specialized thing. By which I mean focusing on a general theme. It would probably be football or alcohol. Or both!

So, Blog-on, brothers and sisters, comrades and friends........